I got sunshine in my bag

Its funny how things workout. Flashback to last week and i was killing myself studying for a certain test, which i somehow had convinced myself i was going to fail. People around me told me i was being dramatic , but honestly , if you were in my situation wouldn't you say that my drama was justified? .

I studied a lot for the first midterm. I did what i usually did for every test since highschool , i prepared myself , i was relaxed , i didn't have diarrhea , i was in perfect conditions. So what exactly went wrong? . I have no fucking idea . To this day , i still think the Teacher took away points on purpose or i somehow offended a family of magical gnomes (I am truly sorry , if this was the case) .

I never got to see the test , so i will never really know , but what's done is done i guess (or is it? , you fucking vengeful gnomes). Anyways , all is good now , i passed the test and i'm just chilling like a chili pepper (hahahaha! , who's the man?! , i'm the man!) .

For today's post we have a rather interesting research , done as always by our loyal and restless GITR . We are gonna be talking about the best birthday gifts you can get for a friend who's birthday is coming up recently.... like for example.... september... yes , yes , please read this and pay attention.

GITR presents "Best BDAY gifts that would make your friend be grateful for at least a whole week!"

1- A freaking Gold Car



Now , i know what you are thinking! . Why would anyone want a gold car! , but its not just any car covered by real gold! . Its a freaking Mercedes Benz C63! . This is exactly the type of car someone needs in this country . What better way to battle a 12 feet high BMW Bus , than with a car covered in 10 million dollar's worth of gold! .

If you truly like your friend! , you should consider getting something like this for him. Nothing shows how much you care about someone than gifting him a car covered in gold. How will you get the money? , well thanks to today's current technology , there's not an inch of your body that couldn't be sold to some crazy clinic in Norway. Who need's 2 kidneys anyway?.

2- A Giant Gundam

Well for my tastes , i think i would have like it to be a little bit bigger. 60 feet is just too small for a Gundam. For those of you that don't know what a Gundam is , its simply a giant-japanese-deathmachine-robot. Turns out , one of those japanese genius decided to make a 60 feet replica of one of em. And its now for sale for the low price of 725 million USD! (http://www.gadgetell.com/tech/comment/the-gundam-giant-robot-yours-for-a-mere-725-million/) .

The thing needs a freaking super computer (for a mere 2 million USD!) just to walk! . Now , i don't know about you guys , but i think anyone on their right mind would appreciate a 60 feet giant robot on their yard. Definitely a perfect bday gift.

Don't have the 725 million? , well no worries! , i heard the devil is looking for a business partner! , just check out his website ( http://www.google.com/corporate/ , just click about us )

3- Nope that's not sand , those are diamonds


As the title says , yep those are diamonds. This gift is a little cheaper than the others , i included this on the list cause i realize not everyone has 500 million USD to spend on a bday gift (SHAME ON YOU!) , so if you are a little short of budget , you can get this magnificent gift-shop-like 7 million USD diamond hourglass (hey that's a pretty cool name!)

Say what?! , you don't even have 7 million USD!? ... my my , what a cheap bastard you are . But no worries! , GMAN , as always , has a solution for your problem . Question is , what is your opinion on kids making nike's for 5 cents an hour? - if your answer is "i don't care" or "do they get free shoes?" , come talk to me. I may have a job for you .

4- Your very own country

What better way to see someone happy on their bday than to tell them "Happy Bday! , you are now the owner of The Great Neo Empire of Jesule . I for one think , that would make me tons of happy! .

As it turns out , someone decided to turn an abandoned WW2 sea station into a freaking country. It's called SEALAND , and its for sale for a mere $977 million , thanks to the generosity of thy highness , Prince Michael of Sealand (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,242351,00.html)

And if you are thinking "boy its going to be a lot of work! " , no worries! . Prince Michael already gave the "country" its own anthem , passport and currency. So nice of him!. Though i would like to be called DARTH GMAN , instead of "Prince" . Prince reminds me of Disney , not cool bro.

Don't have the money? , well you can always use the fastest and safest way to earn lots of money. Kill someone rich , pretend to be their son.



So that's it for today mates , i wish you all luck and see you soon . Hopefully , faster than 2 months. PD - Insert Pitbull song here >_>

Now we are all sons of bitches

Oh wow.

Its been a long time indeed. Sorry i haven't written anything in the last 5 weeks! ,its the longest i have ever been without updating this blog. Who's to blame ?, HellMONTH.

If you are smart , and i'm 73.4% you are , you would have noticed how i said HellMONTH and not HellWEEK. It seems i have reached a certain point of my life , where a week , isn't enough of stress. And just like that one rich friend of yours (which is not me , btw, remember i'm a poor sob) just upgraded from a 1995 Toyota Camry (Hellweek) , to a dashing new Porsche Cayenne Turbo (HellMONTH!).

HellMONTH , is a new phenomena which i have yet to complete understand. It seems to have lots of phases , stages ,innuendos , tricks , tacos , burritos , Chihuahuas , i have yet to understand because they are still out of my line of comprehension.

At first , it fools you into thinking "its just another exam week , i have been through it before , no need to worry" . There my friend , is where i made my first mistake . I pretty much went to war with a broken butterknife riding on a pogo stick against a bunch of Terminators T-800 (haha , yeah, i saw salvation >_> , great movie) .

The results were not pretty. I was crush'd, gangbang'd , own'd , bitchslap'd , punk'd , and when i finally thought , "NO WAY THIS CAN GET ANY WORSE!" , it definitely got.

I have reached a state of mind where i'm just tired. I mean tired of pretty much everything , even sleeping (which is why i'm writing this at 7 AM .. although some parts are from a 3 week old draft which i couldn't post because i never finished it ) . After i'm done writing this , i'm gonna go study some more for my super fun test next tuesday.

I don't really think i'm "stressed out" or anything. I'm just tired. I want to sleep without having to think "tomorrow i have to study at least 3 chapters!" or anything of the sorts. Call me crazy if you will (lol we all knew you kureizy foo!) .

And that was my rant . Sorry for ranting , its not something i often do , but i think it was needed. Over the last few weeks , i have come to the realization that Medicine is the most despicable profession ever , and that doctors are as useful as a third boob would be (don't get me started on this , we already discussed that unless humans also get a 3rd hand in the next "big evolution" , a 3rd boob is utterly useless. -Yeah , i have discussed in depth the benefits a 3rd boob would have , don't blame me <_<) style="font-weight: bold;">--------------
Case in point , GITR Research #530


1- I JUST GOT MUGGED BY A DOCTOR!

Ever heard anyone say "wow i went to the doctor and that bastard took away 1000 pesos from me!" . Oh wow my friend , you just got mugged by a doctor! . How ruthless and unethical coming from him! , he STOLE your MONEY!. Damn ruffian. Certainly he didn't provide a good service or anything , or save your life in the process (lol doctors saving lifes !, what are you gonna tell me next? , that australia is a continent?!) , he probably just waited for you to get in your car and threaten you with a scalpel and one of those evil COLD as HELL stethoscopes! (they are the work of the devil) . I have seen many cases of the so called "white coat thieves".

It is under the opinion of the GMAN and the Institute of Research ,that the police needs to put an end to this!. What right do the doctors have to CHARGE us for a SERVICE! . This is outrageous!. I need to take care of my money!. Its not like Doctors need money or anything , they get everything for free! , even haircuts!.

2- THAT DOCTOR KILLED MY SISTER!

Even worst that the white coat thieves, the WHITE COAT MURDERERS! .

That doctor just killed my johnny! , WHY DID HE DO THAT! . Johnny had a long life ahead of him! , if the doctor could just have pulled those 15 9mm rounds out of Johnny's head , torso and leg , Johnny could have lived to a 1000! . I'm gonna sue that poor bastard for not doing the physically impossible. What right does he have to take away the live of MY Johnny!?.

And BETH! , what about BETH! . Don't you forget about her! , it wasn't the 10cm tumor stuck in Beth's frontal lobe that killed HER! , NOOOOOOOO . IT WASN'T! . It was that Doctor and his damn Surgery! . BETH would have been fine with a little headache , anorexia , blindness , coughing up blood , and losing senstitivity every day ! . MURD3RRR!!.

3- OMG! , I was Saved by GOD!

Thank our lord Jesus and Tom Cruise for my live. I arrived in the hospital yesterday with a 12 CM long open wound in my neck and torso , it was a tragic Javelin accident involving a clown and 12 deaf monkeys. (http://www.kirotv.com/news/4395572/detail.html?rss=sea&psp=southsoundnews) .

After 12 hours of surgeries , those stupid doctors were resting and doing nothing as usual , drugging me up so that they could charge me more in my hospital bill. Thank to god though , i am now alive . Those idiotic doctors could have killed me! , you know?. May Jesus and the saints , and Tom cruise , bless us. Thank you god for my live, but you should be wary of those evil doctors you know?! , i don't trust em.
-----------------


With that said , i think its obvious that doctors are just borderline useless. As proven by GITR (Gman Institute of Technology and Research) , its pretty obvious that doctors are sadistic thieves , murderers , and above all , have an absolutely horrendous fashion sense (really a white coat?! , white?!, UUUGH how racist. Not to mention the doctors that think that dressing up as a lechoza is cool )

That's it for today's post mates , i hope you guys enjoyed it. I'm now going to continue studying (hoozah!) and having super fun fun fun......



PD : Did you see my tanga!? - RIP Michael Jackson , you will be missed.

Ghosts appear and fade away....

Welcome ladies and gent! . I know its been quite a long time and please don't feel like i have been neglecting you. Its just that i have had nearly a month of vacations and i didn't really feel like writing. No matter! , i won't ignore YOU , my loyal audience , like those other bloggers that post every 6 months and its usually to whine about something that only they understand.

And just in case you were wondering... No , this is not a puya.. its not really... i swear... honestly...

Well mates, i think its time for me to tell you about my fantastic weekend. I'm not really an outgoing person... i do go a lot but its more because of my friends than because of my own wishes... i'm a proud introvert , if you will.

So here is my tale . There i was on a saturday night , reading mangas and listening to good music. I was happy . I was entertained. I wasn't bored . But still , i thought that i had to get away from my house. I don't know what got into me but so i did... We were originally going to go to the theater to watch wolverine but plans abruptly changed cause one of me mates didn't know how to read (and or) misread the time of the theater . So i didn't get to watch Wolverine , not a big loss. And then it happened..... one of me mates asked me and the others of the crew to accompany him to this "disco"...

Promises were made.. He promised bootay , and while i don't take his word for granted , the others did... So i decided to tag alone anyways.

WHY DID I DO THAT?!

We were supposed to leave at 10:00PM , but thanks to one of my slower mates we left at 11:00PM. This is a pretty funny sidestory so let me tell you about it..

We were supposed to gather at my place and leave in one car. The one with the car arrived and we waited for the slow one to come.... he didn't come.. over the night i called him a few times to ask why he wasn't ready. Here's what he told me:

First call
Me : So are you ready?
Him : What?! , no.. its early man ... i'm ready i just need to put my shirt on
*sounds of demons dying on the background*
Me: are you playing ?
Him : Noooo..... of course not...
Me : right....

Second call
Me : We are comming to get you
Him : Wait i'm not ready , i'm having dinner
Me: BUT YOU SAID YOU WERE READY 30 MINUTES AGO!
Him : I didn't say i had dinner
Me : AAAAAAAAAAARGH

Third Call
Me: Are you ready now?
Him : Nope , i'm ironing my shirt.
Me : You are kidding right? ....
Him : I can't go out with a wrinkled shirt!
Me : You've got to be shitting me...

Fourth call
Me: ARE YOU FUCKING READY NOW?
Him : No.. i can't find my wallet... i was wondering if you guys could come over and help me find it...
Me - *slams the phone*

Fifth call
Me : If you are not ready we are leaving you...
Him : Come get me , i'm just gonna walk my dog for a sec...
Me : O_o... sure...


Me and the guy driving agreed to never let him tag along anymore >_> , but enough of that. We got the address and went forward to our destination... In HERRERA. Now when we were getting close to the place i started to think..

this is not my place... what am i doing here? ... i was having fun!!! .. i don't like dancing... good lord what was i thinking >_> ...

As we approached , i realized something.. It REALLY wasn't my kind of place.. or any of us for that matter... Cueros everywhere, colmadones , motoristas and their respective rabandolas .. Not my enviroment for sure.. The GMAN didn't want n e ho's that night.

We finally reached the place. It was on the 3rd floor a building , and it had this weird aura coming off <_< .. The cover was 50 pesos (wtf?... seriously? ) . The place is called "stip" (its written as "step" .. what? , didn't you know "step" is pronounced "stip"? ... You animal!). I didn't know any of the people there , and there wasn't any good bootay , anywhere in sight. And this wasn't only me , my mates agreed and we all left the place like 20 minutes later. Of course , we gave the friend that made us go there what he deserved (even his GF helped!) but its still wasn't enough. The point of this tale is simple. No fuerce la vaina! . If you are fine , you are fine. There's no need to go out just because its a friday or saturday night.. sometimes its okay to layback and watch a good movie or some classic porno (wat) . I learned my lesson , i hope you guys get something out of it =).

As an extra bonus to the tale , i later found out that we were actually in the "VIP Room". VIP ROOM?! - i asked. Certainly you jest , good sir. I saw no 8,000 pesos bottle , anywhere in sight!. Ahoy matey! , but you only need to open a 1000 pesos White Label to get a VIP Table. >_>

Really?... good lord... This whole post might sound like i'm some kind of elitist jerk but the people that know me well , know that i'm an extremely humble person =)

Good luck on your own adventures mateys and enjoy life!, HOOZAH!

The spaceman says everybody look down..

Wow... is how i would describe March 2009. Well maybe not.. Some interesting stuff , some boring stuff , the usual.

Make no mistake my loyal readers , this is nothing but a pity post. Pity , cause i haven't posted anything in this past month. Not cause i didn't have the time , but because i didn't have the will to write anything. I have recently become addicted to... something (nothing unhealthy , don't worry) , and it has pretty much taken over all my free time.

As for me , i think i'm doing pretty well. Hellweek is on the horizon and i have already begun studying for that-impossible-exam-i-will-fail-no-matter-how-much-i-study. Some changes : I sold my soul to the highest bidder (wat?!) , i'm getting a second nephew (yay!) , i have a facebook (no comments) , i saw Carlos Santa live (OYE COMO VA!!!) , i have become a master of subject-changing and i could swear punky called me by my name 2 weeks ago (strange , i know..) .

I do have a few tales i will like tell with more words but out of ... discretion , i won't. Not in the meantime , at least. So with this few words i say good bye mates . Take care and make fun of the next alhzheimer patient you see!

Raise your hands and shake your ass!

STOP.

Look behind you Pedro.

....


Well , chances are that isn't your name , but if it was , i'm pretty sure i scared the crap out of you fool =)

>.>

-before starting. I just made a site for all my college related files... www.unibesec02.tk , check it out if you take classes with me.. might find something worth your time.. -

Ok, so moving on , what's up folks? . Its been a long time since my last post and i thought i should come over and say hi . My life , as usual , has been pretty dull with a few highlights of awesomeness every once in a while . Its funny to think that we spend more than half of our lives doing things we don't want to do. Alas , that's how the world works.



Since last saturday , i have spent at least more than 5 hours a day studying for HELL WEEK . You guys remember HW , do you not? . That week that consists mostly of studying , sleeping , studying , eating junk food (yumm ... chimi's ) and more studying ; and as general rule for Hellweek , studying comes first and fun comes second .

-check out my old HW guideline-

I spent a lot of time studying one subject in particular. I spent tons of hours every day , reading stuff in both english and spanish , from at least 4 different books , only to find myself ****ed up , causy my "teacher" (read : someone paid to sit down and spent 45 minutes talking about random facts, incoherently) likes to ask stuff he did not taught .

Seriously , what's the point of assisting a class , if you are not going to learn anything or at least get an idea of what you are going to be evaluated on . So props to you "teacher" , for wasting my time and money. I know better now though.

In order to answer this week's big test, i needed the collective thinking of at least 4 people (all of which studied a lot) and we didn't even score over 90% . Not only that , but apparently , we got a little carried away , and there are probably going to be some... consequences , to our actions. Nothing serious , i think.

But enough of my mindless rant! . HW is almost over (only 1 test left) and its time for the POST-HELL-WEEK-CELEBRATION!

Things that the GMAN and the GITR (Gman Institute of Technology and Research! , for those of you that forgot) would advice you to do :

1- Get DRUNK

What's the best way to end up a stressing week? ...... drinking the crap out of the nearest Barcelo rum!!! , while talking to you friend Johnny Walker and staring at Jose Cuervo's face.. Mind you , i can't drink alcohol ( .. uhm.. i kinda woke up peeing blood last friday , so out of precaution i'm only drinking water.. actually , that was going to be today's subject..) , and if i could , i probably wouldn't cause its an expensive hobby , and to be honest Coca Cola is just waaay better =)

Coca Cola >>>>>>>>> ALL ; GMAN never lies.

Which is probably the reason i got sick in the first place..

2- Get HIGH

I have never smoked pot , but i know some people that do ... and i'm pretty damn sure that eso 3 moreno that are always hanging around in the same dark corner , 1 block down from my house , are not selling Girl Scout Cookies. They do seem to be nice people though.

Anyways , i'm told pot is fun , but try not go Kurt Cobain on me folks =/

3- Get LAID

As most of you know the Gman is a pimp and ho's kinda man (without em) , so its best to follow his advice correctly . Of course! , some of you might say - "but ze gman is a virgin!!!!!" , that is wrong my friends! , the GMAN is only withholding the birth of the world's next great leader , that's totally different from Virginity folks. Sad that most don't understand him!

>.>

<.< .... =( GO BATMAN! So with these few words , i end today's post. Good luck to you all , and remember... THE GMAN IS ALWAYS WATCHING YOU!!! - MUUAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!! *maniac laugh*

The Gman vanishes into the night... woooooooooosh!

SO SAY WE ALL!

BURN THE HERETICS AT THE ACADEMY FOR NOT NOMINATING THE DARK KNIGHT! . I'm TIRED of the snobby elitist ass of those so called "critics" who refuse to give any damn award to any blockbuster Hollywood film. Burn them at the stake , i say!. Keep this on and people will start paying more attention to the MTV Movie awards , DAMN IT. No one really liked CHICAGO!.

......
.....

erhm... y hello there folks! , how's everything doing?.

Well , for starters , things haven't being going so well with me... for example my PC's PSU (Power Supply) just fried 20 minutes ago... again. Yep , i replaced it 6 days ago and its already on my huge PSU graveyard. Its probably because God hates me and he thinks i shouldn't have fun. No biggie though , you won't beat me so easily BOB! . I'm not known to be a quitter.

What else... well i encountered some additional , unexpected issues this week (or should i say month?- guess guess!) , which out of decency , i won't be commenting in depth here , and to be honest , everyone has its own problems and i don't like it when someone throws them at my face so i won't be doing the same =)

Also , since this technically my first post this year i think i owe you all a big Happy New Year! , wohoo! .

Sooooo a friend of mine from the good old jap emailed this to me . I thought it was hilarious (given the context) and here i will share it with you ppl!

HOSPITAL JAPONES





Check out this youtube video of family guy too!




I dont know if you noticed it but this was kinda of a short post. It didnt really take me more than a few minutes... i said to myself i would have at least one post per month and this is it... So if its not up to your liking! , get out and do something better a$$hole =)

PS: The final season of BattleStar Galactica has just begun. If you don't think its hands down the best series ever you have mental problems or have never watched it... aaand no , its not about aliens or star trek stuff..

Goodbye and Goodluck to you all!.

Merry Festivus- Hanukkah - XMAS!

¡Hello there mates! .

¡Long time no see! .

¡Did you notice the abundance of exclamation marks!

So what else is new mates? . Nothing much here. Its XMAS time and i'm enjoying my vacation a lot doing the usual stuff ; you know wat.. sleeping , eating ,sleeping , tv , gaming ,sleeping , eating , sleeping , eating , movies , sleeping , dominoes , eating , poker, sleeping , etc. I'm not that original , i admit. I was going to make a post about what people should do on XMAS times but i forgot about it..

Anyway , moving on.. . This semester went pretty well. Could have been better if i didn't have 3 teachers attempting against my life , but oh well.. nothing is perfect.

Awkward things i noticed? .

1- I lost 11 points in a 10 point test. WTF , he could at least try to make it a little less obvious that he didn't want me to get an A. I also needed 1 (one) point to exonerate the final . Teacher refused to give it to me (don't quote this out of context!)

2- Another teacher attempted against the grades of 3 sections. I don't know exactly how many of my classmates failed , but i know that in one particular section , only 4 people out of 30 passed (3 C's , 1 B) . I was lucky and scored a B. But almost everyone got a C or failed. I only know of 1 A.

3- One teacher decided to leave me at 88. And people thought i was her favorite student... but i knew better , the bias she had against me was clear as water. She made me work twice harder than everyone else and gave me less points. **** her i say.

In the final exam - i wanted to change rows but she didn't want me too... cause she was giving my row an "special" test. I got punk'd =(

-end rant-

Well , i feel its the GMAN's obligation to give a few advices for XMAS

Here are a few rules.

1- Don't give clothes to children.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. DON'T DO IT. You know how annoying it is to get a... PAIR OF SOCKS on XMAS NIGHT?! (people only give socks when they are cheap or don't know WHAT to get ; don't be a fool) . Its really depressing. Sad part is that you have to "act" like you are happy about it. Here's a hint |: SOCKS OR UNDERWEAR DON'T MAKE A KID HAPPY. Give him toys damn it. Or VGames , I don't know. But don't ruin a kid's xmas because of a Polo shirt..

Also , don't give me clothes either. I probably won't wear them. So its gotta be Chocolates , LEGO (yes i'm a lego freak , any problems with that?!) or VGames (sadly everyone in this country is too cheap for this) . I also accept books , once in a while.

This video helps me present my argument. Its also extremely cruel.



I believe this video explains why american kids go gung-ho in schools.

2- XMAS without Pork is not XMAS

Seriously now , how can anyone have XMAS without pork? . Its heresy. It's anti-constitutional . It's evil. It doesn't make sense .Its like having halloween without candy! . ETC , ETC. Even vegetarians should eat pork on XMAS. Without pork , there is no XMAS SPIRIT! - FACT! . Its after our tummies are full with delicious magical pork , that we START feeling the XMAS joy.


Patele en hoja too...

3- Enjoy

Just enjoy. Enjoy your family , and enjoy your time with them. Steal your little cousins presents, etc. Just have fun .

Well now mates. I'm kinda tired. It's 1:42 AM now and people left like 30 minutes ago. I was trying to convince my father to go to my uncles house , but he refused =(

Anyhow , GL everyone and have a merry Xmas. Don't get too drunk Uniboncheanos.

BTW What did you all get for XMAS?!

RE: I got 2 GB ram , so nice!