GMAN is DYING!

Well not really.... but i have been pretty sick. First HellWeek and now this ... I must have been a pretty ****ing evil bastard in my past life or something --- but lets not get distracted! , after spending a VERY sad and miserable weekend stuck in my house (swimming in my own puke) i realized how much this house is missing.

Because of this , i asked the G.I.T.R. (Gman Institute of Technology and Research) to conduct an investigation regarding the subject. The G.I.T.R as effective as ever (after a LONG vacation i guess) came up with some pretty obvious stuff that would probably make my existence in this place 110% better. You heard it 110%!!!! .... 110...

Here are the results

GITR - Guide to a perfect Home . V1.0

1- Food is a priority , not an afterthought.

FOOD for god sakes! . FOOD. If our bodies demand food ever 8 to 12 hours , then why --- mothers of the world , why must you make it SO monotonous! . Here are the results of a poll (encuesta) GITR made.

"What do you eat in a normal week?" - To 1000 teenagers from ages 14 to 21.
Monday - Arroz , Habichuelas y Carne.
Tuesday - Carne , Habichuelas y Arroz.
Wednesday - Arroz, Habichuelas , Carne y Tostones (This is the Best day of the Week, yippey!)
Thursday - Arroz , Carne y Habichuelas.
Friday - Habichuelas , Carne y Arroz.

As much as i love Tostones , and i do love tostones... Its not fair that we , nonworking residents , must endure all this pain and suffering!. I , GMAN , have taken this issue to the personal level . I tried boycotting the kitchen for a week , only to find that my power in this house is much , much ,much more smaller than i imagined. My mother did not take my recommendations very well: Mexican Wednesday , B.ondayB.Q. , Buffet Fridays , Midnight Lasagna Festival , etc.
She doesn't get that eating is an ART and that my mouth is my brush.


2- We need SNACKS!

Yes we do , you know we do. Its been scientifically proven that people get hungry at 4:00 PM and 1:00 AM.
The following is a true history---
There i was , watching TV quietly at 1:00 AM last Saturday when it hit me... the HUNGER. I felt my stomach ROARING like a tiger , craving for something to eat. I immediately rushed to the refrigerator to find something to eat.... What did i find?! : One (1) slice of Salami and One (1) slice of Cheese. I knew what i had to do , and i did it ,like any good soldier would. I MADE A CHEESE-LAMI! (This is a true history , a sad one , not a funny one.)

- i need to end this post quickly...-

3 - We need a ****ing Pool!

Seriously , Who DOESN'T want a pool?. Pools are awesome and so are Llamas. Anyone that doesn't like Pools or Llamas has no soul. Did you know Llamas can survive both extremely cold temperatures and extremely hot temperatures? , just like a pool.

4 & 5 - We need Bikini Super Models!

Lord Hefner is the man , i'm just following his example. I could write 2000 word essay about why this is true but it wouldn't be worth it , you know its true, we all know its true , just accept it. The brightest minds of mankind have done this : Snoop Dogg , 50 cent , Xzibit , G-Unit , Ja rule , DMX , Flavor Flav , Ali G, etc. GITR has proven that men that follow rule 4 & 5 are happier than most and live a richer and more productive life. Look at all those people i mentioned , don't they look happy to you?

So with this , i end this weeks lame post. Wow , this sucks even by my standards... I promise (*doublecross*) that next week post will be .... better?.

Neuroanatomy 1 ; Gman 0

Wow it's been 9 days since the last update and its been a pretty intense "Hellweek" , although its not over yet, the greatest challenge has been defeated. So how well did i do in my Neuroanatomy test? , well lets just say the test went IN : hard , fast and in general COLD. With no Vaseline involved , whatsoever. Yep , that hard it was.

Well , hard might not be the "correct" word to use. Lets just say that my teacher likes to ask about "the sentence" between the 4th and 5th comma of the 3rd line in the 5th paragraph of page number 60. "Precise" would be the word.

So some of you might be wondering what Neuroanatomy is about , right? . Ill tell you what its about : stuff that doesn't exist and that no one fucking cares.

One day , a man named Frank Netter was bored out of his mind and decided to draw some strange cartoons in one of his anatomy books. Little Frank was one of the most famous anatomists at that time , so when his assistant Dr.Moore found the book he thought he had found his "gold mine" . Dr.Moore stole the book with the cartoons and started naming them , giving each one a "functions" , marking the "limits" , divided each "segment" , etc , etc. Little did he know that he had stolen a bunch of crap Netter had drawn when he was smoking pot. Dr.Moore later found a publisher and got the stolen work published.

The book later became popular and a bunch of elitist Doctors thought it was true and learned everything in it , -those same doctors- later on became teachers at colleges and started teaching "Neuroanatomy" .

And that my friends is how the "myth" of Neuroanatomy started. We have all been fooled im afraid. But fear not my friends , i have only 2 more months to go before its all OVER.

Thats about it for this week , i promise i will have a decent post for next week! . If im over with the tests , that is.

HELLWEEK is HOT

The post title says it all. Hellweek began before i predicted (damn GITR and their inaccurate predictions!) so i have had ZERO time to write a new post. I normally take my time to write something good but like i said , no time , no post. I'm just writing this to inform you that the GMAN is not dead , he's still alive , on life support at least.

I already have a super fun week planned (and night) so i don't think ill make a worthy post until Friday next week. I hope you are all enjoying your own hellweeks, so later and keep on fighting SPARTANS!.

I leave you with some awesome youtube Videos.

For Lord of the ring fans - Here


For llama fans (wut) - Here

Guideline to survive HELLWEEK!

Hello and Welcome to this week post , brought to you by Coca Cola. "Coca Cola , there's only one like it".

Moving on , this week we have a rather interesting post. The Gman Institute of Technology and Research (GITR) have conducted studies regarding the phenomena known as "Hell Week". Their studies have found some rather interesting ways that will surely make Hell week easier for all of you. For those of you that don't know what HW is , i will explain.

HW is the time period a college/school chooses for you to suffer. No its not just exam week! ; its also a week about suffering and pain. And although its called Hell "Week" , it can actually last up to 3 weeks. 3 fucking weeks!. But have no fear my loyal readers , here is a guideline that will surely (maybe) help you survive hell week successfully.

GUIDE TO SURVIVE HELL WEEK , By GITR . v1.0

1-Red Bull is you friend. In order to survive hell week you must buy AT LEAST one six pack of red bulls. -
Hah! , you think you are tough right? , you think you don't need that shit? ; Try studying embryology at 2 A.M and come and tell me that.

2-Coffee is your other friend. Studies by the GITR show that Coffee does help to keep you awake. They have also found that the combination of COFFEE and COCA COLA , although potentially bad for your body (read : kill you) have proven to be twice as effective . Use it at your own risk.

3-You don't deserve to have FUN. So after 5 hours of studying you start thinking " i have studied enough... i'm tired... i deserve some fun" ---- WRONG you LAZY BUM (vago) , you don't deserve to have FUN. It's called HELL week not FUN week. Having "FUN" in 'Hell' Week is NEVER a good idea. Besides , fun is for losers .

4-You don't deserve to watch p0rn. Now this has never even crossed my mind but i know some of you have thought about it. So just substitute the word "fun" with "p0rn" in the above recommendation. Why someone would think this is a good idea is BEYOND me.

5-You will get hungry. The GITR have discovered that the average student gets hungry every 10 minutes. They just never admit it. In order to successfully survive HW you will need to buy lots of crap ---- erhm i mean food. Cheetos , Doritos , Ruffles , Platanitos (say wut) , you name it!. IF you are in the house of one your friends, you shall ask your friend to tell his mother to make sandwiches. TRUST ME , some moms have magical powers and or magical ham/cheese , the point IS that the results are CHOCOPOP's level of delicious (i'm sure no one will get that reference)

6-Sleep is for the Weak. Hell Week isn't any ordinary week. It's a time where little boys become men.... a time when your will and determination are tested. The recommended sleeping time for HW is 4 hours. So your schedule will look like this (Study 7 hours - Eat 1 hour - Study 7 hours - Sleep 4 hours -Study some more) . Of course , this could all be avoided if you did something as stupid as say :study every day , read your assignments , do homework , ask your teacher if you don't understand something , etc. But all that stupid stuff are not something real MEN do. Real MEN study the day before the exam and come out victorious (or at least close to it in most cases). So HOOZAH SPARTANS!.

7- And in the 7th day , Thou Shalt Get DRUNK. YOU SURVIVED HELL WEEK! (or at least you think you did) . Well time to celebrate and get some hoes ! (or manwhores for my female audiences). Big Hoozah for you partner! , you deserve it. So when you go and buy your red bulls dont forget to buy that VICTORY (read :VICTORY , as in after HW , NOT DURING) sixpack of beer!.

DISCLAIMER : Drinking redbull for 7 days and then drinking lots of alcohol is generally not a good idea. Gman industries in no way endorses this behavior. Do it at your own risk.


PS: Thanks to that awful (you know who you are ) first comment i got (the one with the Russian attempting to write in english) i will allow comments to be posted in the native writers language. That way it will be easier for some of you.
Thank you and Good Luck to you all! , my HW is coming in 2 weeks or so.
One more thing , INDY4 is a bitch.