GMAN is DYING!

Well not really.... but i have been pretty sick. First HellWeek and now this ... I must have been a pretty ****ing evil bastard in my past life or something --- but lets not get distracted! , after spending a VERY sad and miserable weekend stuck in my house (swimming in my own puke) i realized how much this house is missing.

Because of this , i asked the G.I.T.R. (Gman Institute of Technology and Research) to conduct an investigation regarding the subject. The G.I.T.R as effective as ever (after a LONG vacation i guess) came up with some pretty obvious stuff that would probably make my existence in this place 110% better. You heard it 110%!!!! .... 110...

Here are the results

GITR - Guide to a perfect Home . V1.0

1- Food is a priority , not an afterthought.

FOOD for god sakes! . FOOD. If our bodies demand food ever 8 to 12 hours , then why --- mothers of the world , why must you make it SO monotonous! . Here are the results of a poll (encuesta) GITR made.

"What do you eat in a normal week?" - To 1000 teenagers from ages 14 to 21.
Monday - Arroz , Habichuelas y Carne.
Tuesday - Carne , Habichuelas y Arroz.
Wednesday - Arroz, Habichuelas , Carne y Tostones (This is the Best day of the Week, yippey!)
Thursday - Arroz , Carne y Habichuelas.
Friday - Habichuelas , Carne y Arroz.

As much as i love Tostones , and i do love tostones... Its not fair that we , nonworking residents , must endure all this pain and suffering!. I , GMAN , have taken this issue to the personal level . I tried boycotting the kitchen for a week , only to find that my power in this house is much , much ,much more smaller than i imagined. My mother did not take my recommendations very well: Mexican Wednesday , B.ondayB.Q. , Buffet Fridays , Midnight Lasagna Festival , etc.
She doesn't get that eating is an ART and that my mouth is my brush.


2- We need SNACKS!

Yes we do , you know we do. Its been scientifically proven that people get hungry at 4:00 PM and 1:00 AM.
The following is a true history---
There i was , watching TV quietly at 1:00 AM last Saturday when it hit me... the HUNGER. I felt my stomach ROARING like a tiger , craving for something to eat. I immediately rushed to the refrigerator to find something to eat.... What did i find?! : One (1) slice of Salami and One (1) slice of Cheese. I knew what i had to do , and i did it ,like any good soldier would. I MADE A CHEESE-LAMI! (This is a true history , a sad one , not a funny one.)

- i need to end this post quickly...-

3 - We need a ****ing Pool!

Seriously , Who DOESN'T want a pool?. Pools are awesome and so are Llamas. Anyone that doesn't like Pools or Llamas has no soul. Did you know Llamas can survive both extremely cold temperatures and extremely hot temperatures? , just like a pool.

4 & 5 - We need Bikini Super Models!

Lord Hefner is the man , i'm just following his example. I could write 2000 word essay about why this is true but it wouldn't be worth it , you know its true, we all know its true , just accept it. The brightest minds of mankind have done this : Snoop Dogg , 50 cent , Xzibit , G-Unit , Ja rule , DMX , Flavor Flav , Ali G, etc. GITR has proven that men that follow rule 4 & 5 are happier than most and live a richer and more productive life. Look at all those people i mentioned , don't they look happy to you?

So with this , i end this weeks lame post. Wow , this sucks even by my standards... I promise (*doublecross*) that next week post will be .... better?.